2011 Emmy Nominations Announced

Fans and thespians of the small screen sat with baited breath on the edge of their couches today as the nominees for the 2011 Emmy Awards were announced.

The HBO formula of soap operas that showcase lots of bewbs and violence appears to be working in their favor as the network’s current wonderkind Mad Men, a show which might as well be re-named “Christina Hendricks Has Curves,” got the most love – 19 nominations including best television series. HBO shows Boardwalk Empire starring typecast weirdo Steve Buscemi and Game of Thrones, about bewbs in mideivil times, also scored big time. True Blood, the sexy HBO vampire bewbs series based in Louisiana, got no play.

Nominations were dished out to comedies such as Modern Family, Parks and Recreation and Glee, although in my opinion Glee isn’t a comedy, it’s a musical about highschool that comes out every week, but I digress…. Courtney Cox of Friends fame was snubbed for the 3^rd year in a row for her hit show “Cougar Town”, a comedy about being an old ass cougar which is based on the true story of Courtney Cox. Another snub was in the drama category as Southland starring Regina King failed to get a nod or a wink as did Breaking Bad *shrugs*.

<—No, bitch, it’s not.

 

Mad love (no, not the show, actual love) was given to the miniseries The Kennedys in which Katie Holmes plays Jackie O. The show was supposed to air on the History Channel but due to its controversial content got dropped and has been edited with a big fat sharpie and is now suitable to be broadcast on network tv, but no dates have yet been set.

“

Sarah Palin’s Alaska”, the reality show starring America’s favorite republican bimbo, for some reason, got no love in the category of best reality series  (nominations instead went to shows like Amazing Race and Project Runway,

the shows that actually have an audience). The Daily Show was nominated for best variety, music or comedy series, which it has won every year since 2003, and is up against Jimmy Kimmel, The Colbert Report and other talk shows that try to be controversial enough to spawn viral youtube videos.

So now you know what to stare at when you’re gorging on Hot Pockets in your underwear.

2011 ESPY Awards

 

 

 

Serena Williams stole the show with her Golden Globes at last night’s 2011 ESPY Awards ceremony, borrowing Barbie’s pink suit jacket from her Malibu Office Assistant Job Interview collection. Not sure if she won any awards, I was too busy fighting off the urge to motorboat my television…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SHAZAAM!

Dirk Noqitwitzkitsky won something for basketball, a game involving throwing a  ball in a hoop. Ya’ll know I hate sports. The rest of the Mavericks were all in tow, celebrating with a rousing rendition of “We Are the Champions” followed by spraying down strippers with champagne and falling face-first into huge piles of coke and money… at the after party. Lindsey Lohan was reportedly asked to leave for lewd behavior.

 

 

The show was inexplicably crashed by Justin Bieber (Olympic medalist Lindsey Vonn asked him for his autograph at one point, millions of viewers then switched to ESPN to check the score on actual sporting events). Also, Anthony Robles, a one-legged wrestler, won the Jimmy V award for Perseverance, accounting for the show’s mandatory token tear-jerking moment, with a soulful montage dedicated to his life and struggles as a wrestler with a disability.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kiefer Sutherland handed out the Arthur Ashe award for Courage to Dewey Bozella, a boxer who was wrongfully imprisoned for 26 years, accounting for the moment of silent rage at our country’s justice system. The show’s overall dedication to sports and athletes was overshadowed by the focus on actors,  musicians, shiny things and Serena’s cakes. It was just another dog and pony show to glorify the men and women (but mostly the men) who put a ball in a hole or run real fast that make more money then you will ever, ever, ever fathom in your pathetic mortal life.

 

 

 

 

Urkel so cool.

 

That’s a huge bitch.